What to expect when dating a man going through a divorce

Dating a Divorced Man - What You Should Know

So before you find yourself drawn into an unhappy situation, get the real picture. Get the full story before you start seriously dating a partner who for all legal purposes may not be single at all. Get to know the legal terms Different places have different laws governing marriage and divorce. For instance the state of California in USA, has a process called bifurcation which allows partners to be restored to the status of single persons within six months of filing for divorce.

1. Let His Marital Past Come Up (In an Appropriate Way)

This is so that one can get back to a normal social life while the legal process of divorce follows its own course. Above all you need to keep in mind that filing for divorce is not the same thing as being finally divorced. It is just the initiation of the legal process of divorce, the beginning of the end of the marriage so to speak. The marriage is usually only over when the parties filing for divorce are both restored to the status of single persons at the completion of the divorce process.

2. Look for Signs of His Readiness to Date

So before you start taking seriously the new person in your life, check with them their actual marital status since this might have a bearing on the validity of your relationship. Limited opportunities for romance Your partner may have actually filed for divorce but dating might be difficult if only for practical reasons.

This is especially awkward if your partner is still living in the marital home with the estranged spouse. This might not only make dating something of a strain but might also have legal implications. When it gets worse Dating someone who is going through a divorce may at times involve legal hassles. The resentment and hurt that is already there will be compounded many times over once the spouse finds that your partner has begun seeing other people even before the divorce is through.

And the last thing you need at this point is an angry soon-to-be-ex who is determined to make things as difficult as possible for your partner, especially in matters like financial settlement, alimony and child support. So take it easy and let your partner focus on getting over with the paperwork. Keeping off an overt romantic relationship at this point will not only speed up the divorce process but leave less of a financial liability for your partner.

Here is a checklist:. You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space. Has a lawyer been retained? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.


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Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you? Why is he getting a divorce?

Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus.

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Dating Someone Going Through a Divorce

Did they try couples counseling? If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.


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If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed. If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango.

DATING A MAN GOING THROUGH DIVORCE. Q&A (#210)

If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.

If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there.

Is His Baggage Welcome at Your Hotel?

Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings. Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up?

In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her. There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment. If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag — does he have a job now?

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